Easter Thoughts

Any holiday in a new place is always interesting, it makes you take immediate inventory of your community, because you want to celebrate with someone. Easter thankfully is a holiday rooted in Christian faith and celebrated in the church, meaning it didn't matter who I knew, or how well I knew them. I so appreciated that the new church I attend, Forefront, which is made up of New York transplants, and some of the real deal born in New York kind I'm sure...thought to have an Easter dinner after their service.

I started my Easter morning happy to have sunshine after lots of rain on Saturday. My friend Victoria and I had a proper Easter brunch at Blue Water grill in the live jazz room. It felt fancy, festive, and just the right way to celebrate a lovely Spring morning. Girls had flowers in the hair, men wore pastels, and we sipped our bellinis.

Then later in the day I headed across town to the upper west side for Forefronts new Sunday evening service which is a better time, but quite a trek to get to from Astoria. It took me about an hour filled with two trains, and some city blocks to get there.

While on my way I was on the 1 train and encountered a typical New York happening, someone majorly down on their luck asking for help. A young woman in torn clothes and with dirty fingernails asking the train riders to help her get something to eat or drink. I held my lukewarm half filled coffee cup wondering if she would even want that, but felt bad offering something halfway finished. Everyone kept their eyes lowered and ipods turned up while she got increasingly more distraught. She started crying and just begged for someone to acknowledge her.

Wow I thought to myself, have we gotten so callous and apathetic, that there is a human being who is begging for her basic needs to be provided for...and we can't even acknowledge her. I struggled with wanting to look her in the eyes, yet had nothing solid to offer her....no cash, no food, or time. I wondered if I invited her to the church service and catered Easter dinner after, what she would do.

She made her way down the train and some people at the end offered her a sandwich and McDonald's hamburger that hadn't been touched yet. She gratefully took them, and then revealed a smile that showed how young she must really be. I sat there with my heart beating quickly feeling like an impostor.

Here I was going to church on Easter Sunday because I believe in a living God of hope, yet I was there powerless and selfish, offering this broken girl...nothing. I sat there frozen wondering what truly Jesus would do. As soon as the young girl exited the train, another homeless individual entered, and started his schpeal. He pleaded for money to buy dinner, and I could see everyone silently groaning, thinking to themselves...here we go again.

I again wondered what Jesus would do. How can one individual always be able to help every person in need in a positive way. I could have offered that girl the food I was carrying, and then be empty handed for the next gentleman. I know that every person matters, and that its better to give what you can, than to be overwhelmed by it all and do nothing.

I guess I'm just saying on Easter Sunday, when one wants to believe with all of their beating heart in Jesus's redemptive power, it really sucks to see such brokenness and pain on the way to church...and its even worse when you know that you have done nothing to help show them the hope we all celebrate in Jesus.

I did some soul searching, heard a great message on Grace by Pastor Brian, and decided I always want to carry a granola bar or two in my purse...so that I have something to offer someone in need I pass bye.

Its feeble, it's just a little bandaid to a grosser larger problem, but that's the only thing I could come up with that lifted my heart a little bit at the time. I also thought that yes, I want to get back into Social Work. I want to be more effective, and when you live in a city where you can't easily escape the ugly problems of our society- you have a daily choice. To respond like Jesus would, or to ignore it.

I don't know about all of you, but I want to try to live out this thing we call faith.

p.s. I still wonder at what the girl would have done had I invited her to church and an Easter meal, and It grieves me that I will always wonder.